hope.

Today marks the first Sunday of Advent.  I’m not sure when I started getting excited about Advent, a season I never grew up celebrating, but somehow along the way it’s become my favorite time in the church calendar.  Because I don’t run in liturgical circles, few people I know really reflect on all that it means: a season of longing, hope and expectation for the coming of the light of the Christ child into the darkness of our souls and world.  Instead, this year it seemed that an abundance of my friends – more than normal – were fighting the urge to listen to joyous Christmas music before the Thanksgiving turkey was even in the oven.  It’s not difficult to understand why – I even found myself in the mood for harps and bells and boughs of holly abnormally early this year.  The addition of gold ornaments and twinkly lights seems to make even the darkest and coldest parts of our lives shine with a warm glow.

But I’d like to encourage all of us this Christ-birth season to not rush past the longing and waiting part only for the choirs of angels.  God’s to be found in the empty manger too.  I visited a church this morning that, to my surprise, made Advent a very central piece of the service.  They read scripture and lit the first of four candles to come: the candle of HOPE.  The pastor encouraged the congregation to live simply during this season, focused on the “holy day” rather than just another holiday.  We sat in silence pondering the meaning of Christ’s light in a dark world.

And then we sang “Joy to the World.”  Not much waiting.  In fact, the entire service was filled with Christmas classics.  And more are playing over price tags in every store.  And still more are streaming pleasantly on my Pandora Christmas station.

Don’t rush past the wait.  This week, sit in hope.  Let the hopes of your heart – the longings not yet fulfilled – rise to the surface in both quietness and violence, and let them fly to the light of Christ like a moth to a flame.  My spiritual director told me once, when I struggled (unsuccessfully) with all of my being to hear God’s voice, that our ache for God is often the strongest evidence of His work within us.  Before we numb our aches this spend-more season with gifts and gadgets we truly don’t need, listen to your inner aches.  Or perhaps, if you are brave, let Christ share some of his own with you.

If you want some help focusing, I’ve found Christine Sine’s morning and evening Advent prayers helpful.  And don’t worry.  Apparently those “12 Days of Christmas” are not just arbitrary days after all; they begin December 25th and are meant to celebrate the socks off of all that our True Love gave to us.

Unofficially a Washington Resident

Well, this post is so overdue this is embarrassing.  A LOT has happened since I last blogged, and if you know me much at all, then this post will serve as an obligatory recap more than a deep thought on current events.

1.  I finished three wonderful years of coursework at Fuller Theological Seminary.  I have two Masters degrees to show for it, but more than that, a new sense of self, a new community of friends now spreading out all across the globe, and some very full iphoto folders filled with beautiful pictures that each represent breathtaking moments and silly memories.  To say these past three years were “full” or “rich” would be an understatement.

2.  I said goodbye to so many close friends (friends I consider family), to the wonderful view of the San Gabriel mountains I had from my 5th floor apartment and to the warm California sunshine and sunsets over the beach.  I’ve been discovering my true self over the past three years, and dreaming of what kind of life I am purposed for, and now I am faced with the difficult and wonderful part of the journey where I step into some of those things.  This is all well and good, but oh how I wish it didn’t involve so much loss too!  I said “goodbye” on September 17th when I left Pasadena in my Uhaul, but I’m still saying goodbye today, and I imagine the goodbyes will continue for a while.

3.  I logged in over 1,100 miles in a four-day roadtrip that included stops to see friends and family in Fresno, Sacramento and Portland before landing in University Place, WA.  Thanks to the company of my friend Janice and an activity bag from my friend Kacy, the time flew by.

4.  I started working again!  For those who don’t know, I moved up here to work as an Education and Life Skills Research Coordinator for World Vision International.  The organization is massive, with over 44,000 employees in more than 100 countries worldwide, so as you can imagine it is taking some time to get my bearings and find my place.  But there are days when I am reminded of the incredible work we do and am so glad to be a part of it.

5.  I’ve explored Seattle little bit – the city really is beautiful and there are tons of fun places to visit.  I’m enjoying spending time with the few friends I have up here and am considering moving into Seattle proper in the near future.  I’ve gone to a Mariner’s game, embraced the Fall season with a visit to a pumpkin patch, caught an indie-folk concert, and have ventured into a good amount of the many beautiful neighborhoods and districts around the city.  Keep praying for my search for a church and a more permanent home – those things are hard to find and my future location is still up in the air.

6.  I unsuccessfully attempted to acquire a WA state driver’s license, at which point I was told that I did not have enough valid documents to prove my residency here.  I tried to explain to the guy that I didn’t even want a WA license, and that I preferred to pretend I still lived in California anyway, but he was not appeased.  So, for now, I am unofficial…but I am here.

Here are a few pics from the past month or so:

Israeli Plan Angers Refugees

Jordan a new homeland for Palestinians?  THAT’S not gonna happen…

I Wish I Had Seen This a Long Time Ago…

A short documentary by NBC Chief Foreign Correspondent Richard Engel about his own time in Iraq during the war.  It’s broken into six short clips, each about 5 minutes long, so you can view them all at once or individually when you have time.  Either way, it’s worth your time; It’s over a year old, but informative nonetheless.  Please note some of the images are graphic, but it gives a more complete view of what the war has been like on the ground for Iraqis (and for this journalist) than the brief video clips allow for during the nightly news.

During my recent travels in Lebanon and Syria I met more than a few Iraqi refugees.  One man in particular remains close to my heart.  He is a middle-aged man working at an Iraqi restaurant we frequented in the Jaramana Palestinian Refugee Camp outside Damascus – a refugee working among refugees.  He was quiet and kind, and had moved to Damascus 8 months ago from Baghdad with his family.  It is humbling to exchange the “Where are you from?” questions when you are from the U.S. and the other person is from Iraq.  Because of what my country has done, he and his family have had to flee theirs.  I was grateful for his kindness to us despite the deeply painful circumstances, and his ability to separate us from the acts of our government.  One day I asked him, sincerely, “How are you and your family?”  He replied first with the expected superficial answer, “Fine.”  But then he hinted at the reality underneath the surface: “Not fine, but fine.”  I asked him to explain his answer, and he humbly expressed how he is grateful his family is doing alright there in Damascus, but how they long for home and wish they could be there.  With as much honesty in my words as I could communicate, I said simply, “I’m sorry.”  I meant it.  But it was still cheap in light of all that needed to be forgiven and restored.

This documentary puts into perspective what the kind waiter, his family, and countless others have left in search of peace.  As long as they are far from home they will not find it in whole.  Let’s pray that God restores peace in Iraq, and raises some of us up to be a part of the process.

The link to the clips: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17636144/

I’m Moving to Washington!

For many of you, this news is not new at all, but I realized that for the rest of you out there, who I may not get to see or talk to on a regular basis, I should probably make it official that I am, in the very near future, moving to the beautiful (and by “beautiful” I mean “sunless”) state of Washington.

The specific city of my future residence is still TBD, but will either be Tacoma or Seattle.  The decision will be made soon, however, since I am moving in about six weeks!  I have accepted a two-year, full-time research position with World Vision in Federal Way, WA, working for their lead Education Advisor in the area of life skills development for children in poverty.  If you’re smart, you are probably recognizing this is not my area of expertise at all, and you are right.  So, if you want more details as to why I’m taking this specific job, shoot me an email or give me a call and I would love to explain it more.  World Vision is a wonderful relief and development organization and I am very grateful to become a part of their team.  Many of my studies at Fuller have focused on international development, and I am so excited to be involved in that kind of work.

Even with all the excitement and gratitude, I am definitely leaving with mixed emotions.  I really cannot describe the deep ways God has impacted me during my time at Fuller.  I feel more alive, and more myself, than when I arrived.  I have been gifted with some of the most supportive, fun, and challenging relationships that I have ever had, and I have fallen in love with Los Angeles.  I am grateful and excited for the growth that God will bring in the coming season, but I am deeply saddened that moving on will require letting go.  So, even though I have known about this move for a while now, I have been reluctant to make it “official” with a blog post – I’ve been happily living in denial!

However, the time has come for another new chapter, and I wanted to make sure everyone knew so that I can be sure to see (and say goodbye) to my LA – and California – friends before I leave.  If you’re in the area, let me know and we’ll arrange a time to meet!  For those in Fresno and Sacramento, I would love to see you as I drive north with my U-Haul.  And, I’m putting in my request now for Seattle visits!

Cecil Smith dies at 92; Times TV critic advocated literate, high-quality shows – Los Angeles Times

Cecil Smith dies at 92; Times TV critic advocated literate, high-quality shows – Los Angeles Times

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I’m Home!

For those of you who don’t know yet, I should probably officially tell you that I am home safe and sound, back in Pasadena, and trying to get back in the swing of things.  It’s gonna take me a little while, considering everyone I know is packing up and moving out, or is already gone, so I have no clear idea of what “the swing of things” really is anymore.  Nonetheless, I more than survived the journey and surprisingly miss the Middle East more than I thought I would.  Thanks for following my updates.  Hopefully, I will post some more thoughts after the fact, as I process my experience more in the weeks to come.  For now, here are a couple of my fave pics from my travels last week:

the beautiful ruins at Baalbek

me and the Karagheusian girls after our last day together

Mt. Nebo - where Moses saw the Promised Land

traditional Arabic music inside the candlelit canyons of Petra at night

crazy beautiful Petra

Wadi Rum desert

climbing red sand rock canyons barefoot - and in a skirt!

irony

floating in the Dead Sea at sunset

Damascus Souq

Check List

A quick word before I share some of the wonderful things I’ve done and seen in the past week.  It is with great sadness that I share the news I just received – the passing of my beloved grandfather, Cecil Smith III, who for years wrote for the LA Times and instilled in me a love for writing.  It is in memory of him and his love of all things global and adventurous that I write this brief update.

- Arrive in Amman: check.

- Rent a car, purchase a “map”, and drive the winding and Arabic-signed streets of Jordan cities and villages: check.

- Wander along the Jordan River and visit the site where Jesus was baptized: check.

- Take in the expanse of the Promised Land, from where Moses did atop Mount Nebo: check.

- Get lost in random Jordanian village, only to be led by an overly friendly village man to a delicious Turkish meal and tea in the back of his hardware store.  Throw roadtrip schedule out the window: check.

- drive through the WILDERNESS: check.

- wander the majestic rock carvings and canyons of Petra, by candlelight: check.

- make friens with other tourists: check.

- drive through the WILDERNESS: check.

- watch the sunset over the red sands and mountains of Wadi Rum.  Camp under the stars in the Jordanian Desert: check.

- drive through the WILDERNESS: check.

- eye the Red Sea as we drive through Aqaba: check.

- float in the salty waters of the Dead Sea.  Rub mineral-laden mud all over me.  watch the sun set over Palestine: check.

- wander the souqs of ancient Damascus, stroll Straight Street, visit the house of Ananias where Paul was healed of his blindness and the part of the wall where he was lowered down in a basket to escape the Jewish leaders who were after him: check.

- enjoy the Middle East: check.

Last Day in Beirut

Today was my last day in Beirut.  I had a great final week in Bourj Hammoud with the girls – they enjoyed the National Museum, the ruins downtown, and then we spent Thursday afternoon in the air-conditioned mall and movie theater.  I already miss them.

My time here seems like a bit of a blur.  I know I will be processing it for weeks to come.  For now, I am off to Jordan and then Syria for a final week of travel.  Even though I am ready to be home, I am excited to see these countries: Amman, Bethany, Mt. Nebo, Herod’s Castle, the Dead Sea, Petra, the Wadi Rum desert, and Damascus.  Pray for safety and that it will be a good time of rest and reacharging before I enter back into American culture.

I’m not sure if I’ll get to update much in the next week.  But I hope to update most of you in person when I get home, very soon – July 28th!

Scavenger Hunt, Bourj Hammoud Style.

I’m in my final week here in Beirut.  In about six days I’ll be heading out to travel for a week before returning home.  Still not sure where exactly I’ll go.  Everyone on the team’s got different amounts of time and different desires.  But, It’ll probably involve Syria, possibly Jordan, Cyprus, or Turkey.  We’ll see.

I’m spending time this week with some high school girls in Bourj Hammoud, an Armenian area of Beirut.  Last week I took them on a scavenger hunt, which they had never done before.  They had a blast racing through the tiny allies of the neighborhood looking for pennies and girls’ underwear.  Ha!  But a scavenger hunt in Bourj Hammoud is different than any I have ever done in the States.  They’re not quite so quick – more conversing with people along the way.  I threw time out the window and just enjoyed the experience.  The next day, I took them on a different kind of scavenger hunt.  I asked them to find: 1) a place of pain, 2) a place of joy and 3) a place where God is.  One girl’s “place of pain” was the Old People’s Home, which she had never been to, so we went in and got a tour.  It was eye opening and difficult even for me, to see the conditions of how the elderly are cared for in this country.  Today we had a Bible study – the first the girls had ever really done – and looked at God’s scavenger hunt…what does God see when he looks at the city?  It was a challenge to do in English (not their first language), with only one Bible, but we made it work.    Then I took them to an art exhibit of pieces made during the civil war period.  None of them were alive during that time, nor had any of them ever seen an art exhibit before, so it was eye opening for all of us.  I had fun giving them my (very) amateur advice about how to view art.  Tomorrow, we’re off to the national museum to see really old things.    Wednesday we’ll see the ruins downtown and Thursday will be shopping and a movie, since it will be our last day together.  In all of this I am informally teaching them English and they are teaching me Armenian, though I think they are better learners than I am.

Last weekend I went to Baalbek, some of the most extensive and best preserved ancient ruins in the world.  They were pretty amazing.

Please pray for:

- The remainder of my time here, that I would press in and that God would use my time with the girls as an opportunity for him to move in their lives.

- For team dynamics (unity, grace and intentionality).

- My homesickness.  Though things are going well here, I really miss home.  I am anxious about my upcoming move when I return home.  Can you pray that God will speak to me about this?

Thank you for your continued prayers!  I can’t wait to see you and speak to you all in person!