Overdue Update

Hi!  I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to blog or share pictures as much I’d hoped – we got moved from the rooms with internet and so updates are much harder to manage.  Since a lot has happened since I last posted, I’ll share the highlights.

- I’ve spent two weeks in Bourj Hammoud now, working with the coordinator between the Armenian school system and World Vision.  It is a dense neighborhood, with tiny alleys for streets, and much poverty.  My placement has been a bit challenging, as it has lacked clear direction and I’ve had to really take initiative to understand how everything works, but I’ve been grateful to see how some development programs are working.  I’ll spend the next two weeks at Howard Karagheusian Center, a social service organization that provides education and health services.  I think I’ll be spending time with some teenage girls who have dropped out of high school but are receiving skills training at the center.  I met them last week when they were on retreat at Bylos and we bonded really quickly.  I’m excited to be in their lives for a brief period.

- This city is the most chaotic place I’ve ever been.  I spend about 3 – 3 1/2 hours every day in the car, which is quite draining, especially considering it’s about 92 degrees with 50% humidity, and often the cars don’t have air conditioning.  There are traffice lanes, but no one drives in them, and I am now learning the various ways one can communicate using their horn.  There is a honk to let someone know you are passing them, one to let them know they can merge, one to tell them not to merge, there is a Christian honk (yes, seriously) and a Muslim honk, and honks for various political parties, one to tell someone to hurry up, and one to let everyone know you are angry.  On a positive note, I am the last person to get dropped off in the mornings, which means I get to spend 2 hours seeing many parts of the city as people shuffle to work.  I’ve been praying for the places we drive through, and learning a lot from our kind and knowledgeable driver.

- On the weekends we are taking opportunities to travel.  Last weekend we went north to Tripoli and the mountains.  We saw the Cedars (referenced often in the Bible) and the beautiful Maronite village of Bcharre.  We then covered our heads and wandered the ancient souq of (the predominantly Muslim) Tripoli, picking up some hand made natural soaps and ate the BEST baklava I’ve every tasted in my LIFE.  This weekend we’re heading south to Tyre and Sidon (maybe you’ve heard of them?), and, hopefully the heavily guarded border region between Lebanon and Israel.  Please pray for our safety, though we are in good hands with a local friend who is taking us.

Overall, I’m really enjoying the hospitality of so many here, and am learning, learning, learning.  The days have been draining – we leave at 7:30 every morning and don’t return often until 9:30 or 10:00 pm every night.  But, I’m finally starting to feel more settled and find my rhythm.  Things take a little less energy now, which is good.  And, I have, after two full weeks of study, finally learned the Arabic alphabet!  I’m also trying to pick up a few Armenian sayings.

Please pray for me in the evenings/nights (my morning times) for digestive health (ha – yeah, I just blogged that).  Actually, the whole team has been having a lot of trouble for over a week straight now, and the mornings are the hardest for me.  It’s getting a bit wearing for us.  Many have been down for the count in the last few days.  Also, please pray for good recharging time and that I will find/create more alone time with God.  Seriously, things have just been nonstop, and I am really craving some spiritual refreshment.  Also, I’m really struggling with feeling inadequate – please pray that God will speak to me about this.

I miss home!  (And that means, I miss YOU!).  Actually, we’re about half-way through now…so I will see you soon!  I am praying for many of you, as God brings you to mind.  Hope to write more soon!

Water in a Wine Glass

I’ve been in Beirut for five days now, and they have been both wonderful and difficult.  We arrived Tuesday night and in the middle of a Middle East Conference on “Muslim Women at the Intersection of Faith and Culture.”  It was wonderful to learn about this important topic, and to meet people from all over the world who came to the conference.  At the same time, the Lebanese must have more ability to stay still and pay attention for longer periods of time than Americans (this is not surprising), as the conference lasted from 9am until 10:30pm every day with only breaks for lunch and dinner and coffee.  This would have been challenging anyway, but the jetlag combined with only being at the ABTS campus, and in one room at that, all day long made the transition a bit strange for me.  Still, the people are wonderful, the food is great, and the view is amazing.  And I did manage to run the (very steep) neighborhood hills a few nights, which helped me burn off all the cheese and cream and bread that seem to be all they eat here.

The conference ended Friday, and Saturday we finally got out a little!  With the help of a local guy, we traveled north to Byblos, the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world (check out the biblical references to it in 1 Kings 5:18 and Ezekiel 27:9).  It is such a beautiful place (despite it being a VERY hot and humid day), and if you’re friends with me on Facebook you can see the pics there.  On the way to Byblos, we stopped at Jeita Grotto, a breathtaking underground cavern of stalagmites and stalactites older than anything at Byblos.  They wouldn’t let us take pictures, but you can see some pics here.  It truly is the art of God.  We capped the day off with a drive up the mountain to watch the sun set over the beautiful Jounieh Bay.  It was a full and exhausting day in every good way.

Today we made it to church, despite the fact that our cab driver spoke no English, we spoke no Arabic, and had no idea where the church really was.  It is an international English speaking congregation, so, while not the most “local” of flavor, it did minister to our souls.  We spent the afternoon in meetings and attended the ABTS graduation ceremony (mine wasn’t enough, so I wanted to sit through another one).

Tomorrow I begin my practicum placement with the Armenian community in a neighborhood called Bourj Hammoud, and I am anticipating being able to be in the city every day and having more of a routine.  I’ll be there each morning, in various capacities, which I hope to write more about later, and then we’ll have Arabic language class every afternoon until 5pm.  Next weekend, we’re off to Tripoli!

The night we stayed in Dubai (en route to Beirut), we stayed in a very fancy apartment, courtesy of a friend of our teammates.  When we went to pour a glass of water, we discovered that this classy place only stocked wine glasses in the cabinets.  So, there I was in Dubai, drinking water in a wine glass.  As I looked out at the amazing view of that city from the 16th floor of our building, I couldn’t help but find the water in a wine glass as a fitting metaphor for how I’m feeling.  You don’t often find water in a wine glass.  Because, in fact, it doesn’t seem fitting at all.  Wine belongs in a wine glass.  There is something very odd about putting water in that kind of glass.  It’s out of context when it’s there.  I feel a bit like water in a wine glass right now.  I don’t quite feel like I fit.  Still reeling from the whirlwind of the last few weeks – finals, graduation, and getting ready to leave for Lebanon – I feel transplanted into this place not having processed what’s behind me and not fully prepared for what’s ahead.  I’m not exactly confident of what I have to offer this place and its people, and I’m not even positive of what I’m looking to learn.  To say this region has “much history” is an understatement; I am quickly discovering that it has many histories, each layered with the complex religious and political stories of the various people groups here: Maronite Christian, Evangelical Christian, Sunni Muslim, Shia Muslim, Palestinian, Russian, Armenian, Indian and Pakistani, to name but a few.  The different viewpoints are charged and the experiences of each are painful.  The potential to offend any given person is great, and it leaves me wanting to be silent and invisible.  I know water is good and purposeful, but in this glass I want to be wine.  I want to be potent and refreshing in this world, and I want to fit my context.

I have been reading and re-reading John 2 with this image in mind.  I’m so glad I have come here knowing the Christ who is able to turn water into wine.  And not only wine, but the best wine at that.  Pray with me that He will make me the right kind of wine for this time and place.

Safe in Beirut.

Just a quick note to say I’m safe in Beirut!  I’ll write more soon!

Done with Dubai. Beirut or Bust.

Greetings from Dubai!  We made it safe and sound (and groggy after our 17 hour flight) to Dubai last night, and arrived to the most wonderful surprise – the Hantla’s friend Jen (who we were supposed to stay with) rented us our own apartment on the 16th floor of a swanky tower by the beach, with accommodations comparable to any 4 star hotel.  So, I got a shower and a wonderful night’s sleep, with amazing views to boot (pics to follow soon!).  Today we spent the day wandering from air conditioned hotel to air conditioned mall (it’s currently 100 degrees with 33% humidity), and are now at the airport waiting for our flight to Beirut.  This brief stop in Dubai has been such a gift – a needed time of rest and re-grouping from all the finals/graduation/get-out-the-door madness of the last few weeks.  It’s a developer’s Disneyland – everything is new or unfinished, mile after mile of construction and towers.  It’s quite a sight!

I’ll write more as soon as I can from Beirut.  To those who traveled to Pasadena last weekend to celebrate my graduation with me – that you so very much.  I’m still processing post-event, since the whole thing was such a whirlwind, but all of the support and love has touched me deeply.  I am so grateful for each one of you and wish I could have spent more time with you!

Please pray for me – specifically for my adjustment to this new place and culture and task.  As I was lying awake early this morning, I was so grateful that my God is constant, because not much else is right now.  I’m longing for a sense of connectedness to my surroundings and even to myself, if that makes sense.  Please pray that God would ground me in ways that bring me comfort, confidence and assurance even amidst all this change.

Salaam,

Amanda

A Poem of Procrastination

I’ve got a million things on my “To-Do” List.  This is not one of them.  But, it gets my mind off of the 5 book reviews and the 600 pages I still have to read by tomorrow, along with the graduation, party, and leaving-the-country planning.  So, here it is, my little poem of procrastination:

In light’s warm glow my lungs
Lost their flow of breath
From all that I didst see

Yet when the dark of night crept in
I lost my sight and, lo!
I learned to breathe

Part 2…

Where I’m Headed…

An interesting video on Beirut from Al Jazeera…

Gloria Dei Vivens Homo

It’s that time of year (for those in the academic cycle anyway), where things wind down and things begin to change.  We had Baccalaureate yesterday, and I put on my silly black robe.  For something that’s supposed to help us celebrate being smarter I’m not sure why they make us wear something that makes us look so dumb.  I feel like a little girl playing dress up in clothes that are way too big for me.  And they have strange long flaps on the sleeves.  My friend told me that historically people would put food in those flaps, and I’m considering doing that for the 3-hour long graduation ceremony.

At any rate, I’ve got a busy week ahead, with finals, graduation festivities, and Lebanon!  That’s right, in case you hadn’t heard, I leave for a 6-week practicum in Beirut in just over a week.  I’ll be working with Armenian women and at-risk youth in a neighborhood called Bourj Hammoud, developing a business start-up funding proposal and helping with job-training skills.  I’m very excited!  I’ll do my best to update my blog while I’m there, so please check back for updates and pictures of my experience!  I leave on June 14 – please pray for safe travel and health, and that God will really teach me while I am there.

I arrive back in the States on July 28, and will take the next month and a half to finish summer coursework (commencement is just a tease, apparently), before I move on to the next season.  More on that to come in a future post.

Dr. Linda Wagoner spoke to us yesterday on the topic of: “Gloria Dei Vivens Homo,” that the glory of God is in a human being fully alive.  It was a fitting message for me, as I would say much of my growth here at Fuller has circled close to that theme.  I have grown more alive than ever before in this season, and pray that as the pace remains quick in the coming weeks that I will live more fully still.  Our humanity – our aliveneness – does not just involve awakening new parts of us, but also in allowing some parts to die.  I will have many of these goodbyes and letting goes in the weeks and months ahead – goodbyes I do not want and tried my best to avoid.  Lord, help me to find new life even as some things come to an end.  Let me live fully alive, that your glory may be found in me.

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Miss T goes to the doctor...

My church, Christian Assembly, is currently studying the Book of Acts, and last week our pastor taught from Acts 2 and 4, which describe how the first believers shared their possessions with each other.  The text indicates they lived like a family.  This weekend, my second family (the girls I lived with during the last two years at Fuller) got together for a little reunion.  We mainly celebrated that Kacy, who moved back home to Texas last year, came back into town.  Saturday was a beautiful day: we met in Hermosa Beach for breakfast and then enjoyed the sun and sand on the beach for a few hours.  But on my way back to Pasadena, while idling at a stoplight in Gardena, my car broke down.  And though it was an unwelcome interruption to our beautiful beach day, it has also reminded me of God’s goodness and providence.

Kacy “lent” me her AAA, since i’m not a member, saving me over $200 for a tow truck to take my car back to Pasadena.  She then immediately hopped on the phone to call her mother, who lives in San Diego, who drove an extra car up for me to use until my car gets fixed, so that I don’t have to rent one.  She gave up visiting some of her friends at our church’s night service so she could get to Laguna to pick up the car for me.  And as she flew back home to Texas today, I was tooling around town in her old car, going to work and running needed errands.  The abundance of her willingness to share what she had, and go out of her way to give it, absolutely floored me.  It literally saved me hundreds of dollars.

much-needed reunion...

And I was thinking about all of this today as I was driving around.  I started praying and thanking God for the ways He had provided for my needs.  And it became very real to me that the way God provided for my needs was through other people. The willingness of others to share became a direct extension of God’s providence in my life, and caused me, at the end of the day, to see him as a good and loving and giving God.  If people had been stingy, or too busy to share what they had, I would have been left asking God, “Why didn’t you answer my prayers?  Can’t you see my needs?  Don’t you care enough to provide for me?”  But in the gifts of others I can see how God made a way when there was no way, how he went to great lengths to care for my needs, and I can tangibly live in his security and providing love.

When we cling to our stuff, we mar the image of the God who gives liberally.  When we live individually, disconnected from a sharing community, we are left without resources when things go wrong, and are forced to resolve the problems on our own, with our own limited finances, bearing the burdens alone.  And if we pray and ask for God to provide, though he could move mountains to make something happen, we take away a lot of his options when we refuse to make ourselves – and our stuff – available to others.

In my inconvenient little automotive crisis, I quickly became aware of the way our individualism has infected us.  I had a longer list of those I couldn’t count on to share their things than those I could.  And I felt guilty for asking people to give extra time or share their stuff.  God only needed a few to remind me of how much he loved me, but think of how much we are limiting God – and hurting ourselves! – by hoarding our things or being unwilling to bear hardship together!

As I was driving to work today, to a job I did not even have to look for but that someone referred me to, in a car that was so graciously loaned to me, my heart began to overflow with gratitude for those who, in large ways and small, have gone out of their way to share their time or resources with me, who have stayed up late to listen to me or counsel me, who have cooked meals or sent money to buy my family groceries, offered plane tickets when my dad was in the hospital, gathered resources, and prayed not just for me but with me during some of my long and painful struggles.  In all of these things, I am grateful to the people, but even more joyful at the providence of God.  Turns out, that little lesson we learned in kindergarten, simply to share, matters a great deal after all.  The way in which we share our things will become the way in which others see the goodness of God.

^“Now the company of believers was of one heart and soul, and not one of them claimed that anything which he possessed was [exclusively] his own, but everything they had was in common and for the use of all.” – Acts 4:32

A Borrowed Word…

This encouraged me today from a website I frequent called Sacred Space, and I want to pass it along:

The week after Christmas can be a time of anticlimax, of crackers cracked and bottles emptied, the fun and excitement just a cold memory. We cannot live our whole life in a buzz of exhilaration, even religious exhilaration. Even a charismatic service, with ecstatic crowds and catchy music, can leave a morning-after feeling. As Joseph brought Mary and Jesus down to Egypt, dodging soldiers and footpads, the adoring shepherds and the jubilant angels were just a memory. In Jesus’ parables, the kingdom of God advances not by fireworks and peak experiences, but by trickling increment, by quiet, organic growth like the mustard seed or the leaven in the lump. Thank you, Lord, for the high moments; but when they are past, let me be good leaven.

I’m starting 2009 with a lot of fear about the change that is coming my way, and all the things that are still unknown.  And at the beginning of a new year, when the wheels that we spin feel like they might get a little more traction, my default is to dream big: big purpose, big change, big impact.  This prayer was a helpful reminder that big impact with God often comes in the tiniest of ways: in faithfulness, trust and perseverance.

In 2009, I want to look for the leaven instead of the loaf.